Coming Apart At The Seams
by Ashimattack
Summary: I don’t know how long I sat there hugging her but eventually the sun rose and our silence was broken by Sakura, speaking the words we both needed to hear.


_Whereabouts unknown, please know you can come home  
it's alright  
I long for the moment, our silence is broken  
It's alright_

How could you do this? How could you just abandon us like that? We are your family, you can trust us.

But you never did trust us, did you? You kept it all inside and let it decay

Destroying you from the inside out like a virus.

Carrying a burden you didn't have to bear.

An avenger?

Is that what you are?

How could you possibly believe that you were put on this earth to simply end someone else's life?

If you actually opened your eyes for once, looked closely instead of through your sharingan, you could have seen through Orochimaru's lies.

You would have seen quite clearly that you needed us and we need you.

You were my first bond, my first real friend.

I could have helped you too.

And Sakura.

God knows what she saw in you

You treated her like crap and she would just take it with a smile.

She doesn't smile any more.

_---_

'Naruto, I don't think this boat is very safe...'

'Well I'm sorry but it's the only one I could get undetected and on such short notice'

'Why are we even doing it like this? We'd be better off to talk to lady Tsunade about it tomorrow, then we can get a good boat and we don't have to leave in the middle of the night. This is really dangerous Naruto, no one knows we are here'

'Sakura don't you get it? We can't wait until tomorrow! This is for Sasuke.'

She looked down, her expression solemn.

It was obvious that there was a war raging on inside her between her heart and her common sense.

'Naruto, why are we still doing this? Looking for him, what has he ever done for...'

'Ssh! Just... don't finish that sentence. Please. You know why we are here. Sasuke is family; it doesn't matter if he's a little blinded right now. He needs us and we need him.'

The boat suddenly jerked violently and we were both sent sprawled across the small interior of the boat.

'what was that?'

But my question was left unanswered and i realized that Sakura was unconscious. Must have hit her head when we fell.

I felt around her head for a wound and brought it back covered in blood.

This wasn't good. Our medic nin was just knocked out.

It was about to get a whole lot worse though, as a massive wave crashed onto our little boat and left it in pieces.

I held onto Sakura tightly and started swimming in the direction i thought shore might be.

'Don't worry Sakura. I'll get us to shore. I promise'

_---_

My promises haven't followed through much lately. I'm still not Hokage and I still haven't brought you back.

My nindo is getting further and further from the truth with every second you are still with that evil creep.

I guess I did try my hardest to stop you, but it was too late.

Years too late.

I should have started fighting for you years before that, the moment you were alone you should have had someone.

They could have helped you get through everything.

But instead you were alone.

You should never have become a ninja.

It was like adding fuel to the flame, you were unstable to begin with and then you're given a weapon and taught how to kill.

You thought you were strong but you weren't.

You were weak and self loathing.

You thought you had motivation but you thought wrong.

War does terrible things to strong people.

What did it do to you?

_---_

The water was freezing.

I was shivering and feeling numb but I knew I had to keep going.

For her.

I prayed that she was okay and hadn't frozen.

It was pitch black and felt like a million years later when I finally reached the shore.

I was coughing and shivering and praying that she was okay.

I lay her gently on her back and felt for a pulse

I couldn't find one.

I lay my head on her chest and searched for a heartbeat.

I couldn't hear one.

I was panicking now and forgetting all my training.

_How did I do CPR again? Enforce chakra into the chest..._

I kept pumping he chest, listening every couple of pumps for a heartbeat.

It was looking serious when I finally heard it.

The faint sound of a heart ticking.

I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and continued listening to her broken heart beat.

It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard.

_---_

She doesn't look at me anymore.

She barely speaks to anyone, let alone me.

I asked her about it one time and told her not to worry because if she ever needed something or just a shoulder to cry on I would be there before she knew she wanted it, she never had to be alone if she didn't want to.

She stayed silent for a moment then slowly raised her eyes to meet mine.

This was the first time in a while she'd looked me in the eyes and I saw a strange emotion I hadn't seen in them before.

'How can you say that? I don't want you there all the time!'

She was angry and I was upset because I didn't know why.

All I wanted was to make her feel better, to see her smile again.

I tried not to let the hurt show in my expression but she picked up on it and hers immediately softened.

'I'm sorry I upset you.'

She whispered in that voice. The one that sounds like an innocent little girl.

I wished she could be an innocent little girl again.

'No I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you hated me so much. I'll leave you alone now'

'No it's not that! Please let me explain... you and him... are so alike. In your own ways. Every time I look at you I am reminded of him and I can't handle that. Please understand'

_---_

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud spluttering from Sakura.

'Na... Naruto?'

'Shh It's ok, don't try and get up. You hit your head badly'

'what happened? Did you fix it?'

I realized that I hadn't actually fixed her and that she was still bleeding.

'I'm sorry... I forgot to fix it. The boat capsized just after you passed out. I swam you to shore and was so scared that you weren't breathing that I must have forgotten to fix your head'

Once upon a time she would have bragged for hours about how she had been right about the boat and that I was an idiot for forgetting to fix her head.

A long time ago.

Precisely three years ago.

Now she just stared silently, I could feel her piercing gaze through the darkness.

'guess that boat wasn't to be trusted. Don't worry. I can fix myself up'

_---_

Despite what Sakura thinks I don't think we were ever alike.

The only quality we both shared was our stubbornness and desire to be the best.

Which happened to be the qualities that pushed us apart.

We never really saw eye to eye. They may have appeared similar but you were always a centimetre or two above me.

You shyed away from attention, full of hate and anger. Keeping it bottled up and locked away tight. But never really gone.

I preferred to take my problems head on and continue shining. I craved the attention that you took for granted. You wanted to be alone.

Are you alone now?

Is it what you wanted?

_---_

The sound of a lone cricket was heard over our silence, its lonely song was painful and it only amplified the pain in my chest. The searing pain that had been settling in for three long years now.

'Do you remember that time when Sasuke forgot to bring the tents so we ended up sleeping inside that cave?'

'wasn't that you who forgot the tents?'

'details... but remember how there were all those bats and Sasuke was freaking out?'

She smiled

'He woke us all up in the middle of the night, screaming and running from the cave, kunais flying everywhere'

'then he insisted on sleeping outside. Saying he preferred it out under the stars. Man that was so funny'

'That was the only time I ever saw him show weakness when not in a life or death battle. No wonder, we laughed so hard!'

She finished chuckling quietly and we both fell silent.

The single cricket's chirps were heard once again.

_---_

Remember that jetty?

I saw you every time I walked past.

I bet you went there everyday.

I always wondered why you went there, it must have been a special reason.

You only ever turned around and saw me once.

You looked straight at me but it wasn't the usual glare, it was more like the expression a little kid would have when his puppy just died.

Probably how you should have looked all the time instead of trying to be brave.

That was the only time I ever saw you when you were really truly vulnerable, I could have gone and grabbed your shoulder and you probably would have gone fallen into the water.

I wanted to go and sit with you, ask why you went there.

But I didn't.

I turned my nose and continued walking.

I still wish I had have gone and asked you.

Did you know that I watched you everyday?

_---_

'do you know where we are?'

'somewhere along the coast I guess'

'well thank you captain obvious... do you think we'll get back before sunrise?'

'well we kinda have to if we don't want anyone to know we snuck out.'

'oh my god that was so stupid! They'll think we ran off and we'll become criminals! I'll lose my entire status as a medic nin and it will all have been for nothing...'

'ha ha you worry too much. We'll get back in time I promise'

'hmm.. oh well I guess we couldn't have gotten very far from the city.'

'haha yeah it could be worse. It could be raining.'

'yeah that would make it harder I guess...'

'It's a pity we didn't get any closer to finding him...'

'yeah but what would we have done if we'd found him?'

'um... bring him back?'

'no I mean it would have taken longer to get there. We wouldn't be back my sunrise and then we probably would be criminals.'

'so I guess it's a good thing that the boat was cruddy?'

'yeah... but don't forget this was your idea in the first place... don't know why I went along with it...'

'for Sasuke.'

Always for Sasuke.

She fell silent then and it began to rain.

'dammit! What was that you just said before?'

'I'm sorry Sakura...'

'let's just get back to the city.'

_---_

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you hadn't left us.

Would we have killed each other yet?

Or would we be closer?

Sometimes I play it over in my head, act it out. What would have happened if I had stopped you.

It's always you thanking me for not letting you make that mistake then us laughing and going out to eat ramen.

Then I think about what was wrong with that image.

Would you smile?

Would I smile?

Would we be happily laughing and eating ramen?

Would we be happy?

I guess the question is more can _you _ever be happy.

I hope you smile now.

_---_

It was almost sunrise when we finally reached the city, I hadn't realized we had gotten that far.

We stood outside the city gates absolutely drenched.

The rain had lasted all night and had only just died down a few minutes before.

'should we just go in?'

'we can't. The guards will see us and probably take us to Granny Tsunade and wake her up. You of all people should know how grouchy she is when woken up. Especially this early.'

Sakura shuddered and agreed to climb one of the side fences.

We used our chakra control to jump to the top of the fence and we sat there for a few minutes, looking at the city.

It was just high enough so that we could see the entire city without them seeing us, so it didn't give away our positions.

We sat in silence until I couldn't take it any more.

'you're right you know'

'hmm?'

'about Sasuke. We should just give up'

I jumped down as I said it and landed in a crouched position but Sakura seemed caught off guard and fell.

I ran to catch her but I was a second too late and she fell down onto the concrete and hit her head on the wall.

I put my arms around her and helped her to find her feet, which she lost again and pulled us both down onto the ground.

I then noticed that she had twisted her leg and reopened the wound on the back of her head.

She was bleeding badly and we were both covered in the iron smelling crimson substance.

'come on Sakura. I'm sorry I got you so hurt. Let's get you to the hospital, they can fix you up properly there.'

'no... please don't'

She held onto me tighter, like a child clutching their favourite toy.

'we're not giving up on him... ever'

'ok but right now you need to get yourself healed so...'

'NO!'

She was more forceful but I could feel her features softening into my shoulder.

'please Naruto... just... sit with me... please'

I don't know how long I sat there hugging her but eventually the sun rose and our silence was broken by Sakura, speaking the words we both needed to hear.

'We're never giving up on Sasuke, he's family and he belongs with us. We need him and sooner or later he will realize that he needs us too'

_It's alright now  
Coz all is forgiven  
If only you'd listen  
It's alright_


End file.
